The journey for a woman to reclaim herself after engulfing herself into motherhood is a process. It is not something that can be done in an instant like a kernel of corn transforming into a single popcorn. It can't be planned on a calendar (trust me I tried) and it won't happen overnight from a good nights sleep. Instead the journey is like cooking a meal over a low shimmer heat. There will be times you forget to add something to the pot. Sometimes you will let the dish dry up and other times you might try to rush it and ruin everything. It has to be this way. You see you are never alone enough to allow that dish to shimmer since kids, a spouse, work and life itself keeps fighting for your attention further distracting you from the self.  Through this metaphor I am bringing awareness of the realization that moms have to shimmy their way to evolve.  

In many ways, its like another form of pregnancy where life starts from just cells and forms itself into a birthed human. Moms own identity goes through a series of transformations in order to fulfill the demands of her roles. Women must transform into mothers. That transformation happens during the early stages of pregnancy and continues well after the child is born. Some women fall into the role faster than others but in the end they all carry the weight of the responsibilities that come with it. It is a heavy force of change that happens within each women emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.  Just like that, it is not an overnight process. It is a growth and change that forever solidifies the way their brains are wired and their hearts respond to love.

Because of the nature of this change women are prone to fall into losing themselves within the realm of motherhood. Love is the both the ultimate strength and weakness of women and it shows the way women will put their lives on the line for it. How many women will continue to linger in abusive relationships because they say "but I love him". A classic phrase women will regurgitate all for the sake of love. Women are more prone to treat pets like babies then in contrast to men. Dressing them, catering to them and overall caring for them like mothers. Again an action driven by love. When it comes to human children, the love will consume a mother. Famous psychiatrist Carl Jung mentions the all encompassing mother who will protect and consume her children. There is some element of truth to this as you can see the within actions of mothers altering their freedoms, careers and development in order to step aside and allow her children to push forward. It is more than difficult to cultivate both mother and child equally since by nature one is designed to nature the other.

The consequence of this shows itself later on when the child grows and the mother is not needed the same. At different stages of motherhood women will have to revaluate her role and acknowledge the change of who she is at that moment. Sometimes it subtle like when a mother doesn't have to breastfeed anymore or not needing to hold a toddlers hand to walk. Sometimes it's drastic like a mothers child moving out for the first time or getting married. But no matter the transition, there transformation itself happens gradual. Even if the circumstances changed everything within minutes, the body, mind and soul need time to grieve, accept and process whatever transformations are taking place. That all needs to happen internally without the pressure of time.

This is why at some point, in every mothers life, she will hit a wall and ask herself "Where am I? Who am I? What do I want? What do I need to do for me?" That's when a mom knows she got a little lost following her role to love. Now it is time to rediscover what she needs.  She can't go back since her former role won't serve who she is today. She will always have pieces of who she used to be but there is this new part of her (the mother) which propels her forward like a great leader. She must accept who she was and is as of today equally. It is vital to her internal happiness to love herself both past and present. It is only then she can come back into her true essence of self.

If this is you, have patience with yourself. Don't rush but trust the process in whatever form and time it takes. Open yourself up internally and listen to what you need inside. If you are lost, you will be found by you in time. Take great care.